Because my life is simply not like that. And sometimes it pisses me off.
The last few days of the holiday I was getting increasingly more breathless and more frustrated with how unfit I felt. So I made a plan to get my bloods checked when we got back, so if I needed a transfusion that could be done on saturday and we still had sunday to enjoy.
One crazy drive later and a walk to oncology (without vomiting or passing out) I am told my Hb is 6.5. Fuck. It has become a slightly odd game that Darrell and I play - called, very imaginatively "guess the Hb level". I have the slight advantage as I know how shit (or not) I feel but hey, sometimes I'm allowed a head start. So I went for 7 - not bad eh?!
However 6.5 is very nearest the lowest I've ever been (6.4) and not good as my last transfusion was 2 weeks ago. Anyway - plan was for 4 units, 2 each day of the weekend. Plan royally buggered.
I have to admit that at this point I sat and cried. Not ideal in the Oncology department but sometimes I have just had enough. Sometimes I just want a break. It's bad enough needing transfusions virtually every fortnight but to bugger up an entire weekend is crap. I want to be normal. I want to be able to plan to return to work on monday, without something coming along that threatens that. Let's be honest - I just don't want to have cancer and all the shit that goes with it. Mind you, who does?
So 3 units down, last one tomorrow. Lovely Dr Evil came in and asked the nurses to give the 3rd unit tonight so I can get home as soon as possible tomorrow. Is it inappropriate to want to hug him?
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| Beach Hut hot chocolate |
Spent the evening watching the usual saturday night Strictly and X Factor and sorting my holiday pics. Here are a couple just so I can remember what it was like to feel slightly normal for a while.
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| Reflections |
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