How are you feeling?

This is how I am greeted now. No "How are you?" Or "How is work?"  I have become all about the illness. It's as if all other aspects of my life don't matter any more. Here I am trying to put the evilness back in the corner again and everyone else is dragging it back out so it can ruin the party once more.

Ironically I have a standard answer which was really emphasised at my work Christmas do this week. I was greeted by a colleague with the standard "How are you feeling?"  And I responded with my standard "Not too bad thanks". He then asked if that was true or just my standard response. At this point a very close work mate asked the same and gave me a massive hug. And my response then was "Shit", to which the first guy laughed and said "ah the real answer."

It got me thinking. Are people asking because they genuinely want to know or because they feel they should ask? And why do I tend to give my standard reply? Why do I not tell the truth? Is it to protect others from my reality, or not to admit that this is difficult and that I am struggling.

The truth is I don't know the answers to these questions. But what I do know is that there is more to me than this evil disease. Please don't forget me.

10 days

....to go until I get to go the happiest place -  and collect the fabulous Millers.

Yes, this time in 10 days my gorgeous brother will be here, and just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

There is some pretty amazing stuff in amongst the crap.