Wakey wakey

We are feeling wonderfully relaxed after a fantastic long weekend down in our Mecca of Cornwall. It was Darrell's birthday on Friday so we booked a long weekend in a Landmark Trust property in a teeny hamlet called Coombe Valley - near Bude.

We have been there before and it is half a mile from the beach and there is no tv, no radio and no mobile signal! Bliss. Bye bye world for a few days. We had glorious weather on the saturday and I established that I am incredibly unfit on a walk along the coastal path. We walked back along this amazing beach.

Unfortunately on the way back whilst clambering over some rocks I slipped and landed on my lower back. Ouch - rather battered and bruised but was great to feel alive.

Sunday was rainy so had a brief walk and then chilled (read that as snoozed) in front of the open fire. Darrell got to be all manly and play with fires all weekend.

All in all it was wonderful.

One slight ironic thing is that (sorry to share too much) - my period that has been AWOL for the last 7 months due to the kick-ass drugs nuking my ovaries - decided to show up this weekend. Whoever thought I would be so pleased to see "the curse"!! Now this is potentially amazing news as there was the possibility that my ovaries would turn over, tuck themselves in and never wake up after the drugs. So the fact that they have decided that maybe their work isn't done is great. BUT - my body has obviously saved up all the pain etc from the 7 missing periods and condensed it into one. More ouchiness. Bastard female issues!

Now obviously there is the possibility that it really doesn't matter what my wee egg makers are up to if I can't beat the evilness. But hey - it's a start. At least there is perhaps an option. A glimmer of hope.

And hope can never be bad. Jeez - we have £6k's worth of hope shivering away at Hammersmith.

We like hope.......

Yawn

Apologies for the delay. Doesn't time fly when you are having fun?! So here I am nearly half way through chemo and man I am feeling it. Me and my bed are very close at the moment - it is ridiculous. I can sleep 10-11 hours a night and still need more. I was warned that this would be happen but the reality is shite. Also the good days are getting fewer. It certainly challenges your spirit this chemo lark.

I saw my oncologist last week to see how I was getting on and to decide whether I was allowed the mid-way break that they had promised at the beginning. The good news is that they are pleased with how I am tolerating the aggressive kick-ass drugs. More good news that I am allowed a break. The crap side was how matter of fact he was with talking about how I am allowed the break because ultimately we are just controlling ths disease "much like diabetes", and that the chances of cure are slim. Also how it is most likely that this is what will take my life. So all-in-all really positive - NOT. I know that is the truth and have known it all along but when you are trying to beat this bastard, you don't need those negative thoughts creeping in and eating away at you. Not surprisingly I had a melt down that evening. Part of me thinking that if my life is really just going to be on and off chemo then what kind of crap life is that? It all seems really pointless. But then I know that really it is the only chance I have. It's just not a very fun prospect. Life truly is an arse.

The best day of my life

On a positive note - me and Darrell celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on tuesday. 3 is leather and he bought me a fabulous pair of purple Irregular Choice shoes. No prompting from me or anything. He got the size right as well. He is such an amazing man. It has to be said that life has not been great since we got married. We spent our first wedding anniversary filling in IVF paperwork, and have been living with cancer for the last 2 years. Great hey?!But he has been there for me every step of the way. I hate that I am putting him through all of this and that this has meant that the chances of us getting our hopes and dreams are pretty slim. It is just not fair. Still the 23rd August 2008 was the happiest day of my life.


Classy bride me!



First dance

So - tuesday brings round 6 and the half way mark. I get an extra day of feeling normal due to the bank holiday - small mercies. Then only 2 weeks until New York and New England - hurrah! I can't wait as my body needs a break and so does my soul.