Thursday, 25 August 2011


Apologies for the delay. Doesn't time fly when you are having fun?! So here I am nearly half way through chemo and man I am feeling it. Me and my bed are very close at the moment - it is ridiculous. I can sleep 10-11 hours a night and still need more. I was warned that this would be happen but the reality is shite. Also the good days are getting fewer. It certainly challenges your spirit this chemo lark.
I saw my oncologist last week to see how I was getting on and to decide whether I was allowed the mid-way break that they had promised at the beginning. The good news is that they are pleased with how I am tolerating the aggressive kick-ass drugs. More good news that I am allowed a break. The crap side was how matter of fact he was with talking about how I am allowed the break because ultimately we are just controlling ths disease "much like diabetes", and that the chances of cure are slim. Also how it is most likely that this is what will take my life. So all-in-all really positive - NOT. I know that is the truth and have known it all along but when you are trying to beat this bastard, you don't need those negative thoughts creeping in and eating away at you. Not surprisingly I had a melt down that evening. Part of me thinking that if my life is really just going to be on and off chemo then what kind of crap life is that? It all seems really pointless. But then I know that really it is the only chance I have. It's just not a very fun prospect. Life truly is an arse.
The best day of my life
On a positive note - me and Darrell celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary on tuesday. 3 is leather and he bought me a fabulous pair of purple Irregular Choice shoes. No prompting from me or anything. He got the size right as well. He is such an amazing man. It has to be said that life has not been great since we got married. We spent our first wedding anniversary filling in IVF paperwork, and have been living with cancer for the last 2 years. Great hey?!But he has been there for me every step of the way. I hate that I am putting him through all of this and that this has meant that the chances of us getting our hopes and dreams are pretty slim. It is just not fair. Still the 23rd August 2008 was the happiest day of my life.

Classy bride me!

First dance
So - tuesday brings round 6 and the half way mark. I get an extra day of feeling normal due to the bank holiday - small mercies. Then only 2 weeks until New York and New England - hurrah! I can't wait as my body needs a break and so does my soul.


  1. I really don't know what to say to this post so, I'm just going to leave you a very inadequate internet weirdy hug and also you look so beautiful in your wedding pics, congrats on your anniversary.

    Oh yes, and can we see a picture of *the* shoes? I love Irregular Choice :)


  2. Just remember that miracles can and do happen to those who have a positive attitude. I know there are times when it is hard to keep it up there are lots of us out here rooting for you. After all we are pretty damn good at 'managing' diabetes now.
    New England is one the most fabulous places I have been and that hasn't even been in the fall.

  3. I agree with Liz!! Miracles do happen everyday!! Rob and I were very sad to read your blog!!! We are defiantly rooting for you and you are always in our thoughts and well wishes. Sending you lots of massive hugs from Oz... All my love- Mands xxxx

  4. Massive hugs. And what Liz said too.

    Your wedding dress is soooo gorgeous. One of the prettiest I've seen! Happy wedding anniversary xxx

  5. Loving the shooz. Think the oncologist needs a slap around the head with a tact fish though. There is a fine line between realism and negativity.

    Lots of love... Not get thee to the US and get thee shooz on xxx

  6. But keeping it undercontrol means you are well placed when they discover the cure to benefit xxx