Decided to take advantage of feeling vaguely normal on the 2nd week of each chemo fortnight and booked a week in Rome.
|View of the Vatican from Castel Sant' Angelo|
|Cheeky pic in the Sistine Chapel|
Went to my bestest friend's little boy's 1st birthday party the day after we got back. A real mixed emotion day. Lovely as it was his party but heartbreaking for me as they got married the week before us and so we should be in the same boat. And we couldn't be farther from it, and may never get there. Truly the hardest part of this journey it has to be said. My ovaries are still hanging in there which is amazing. They couldn't be arsed last time I had chemo. And we have 3 wee embryos frozen at Hammersmith hospital - that was another emotional rollercoaster to get them. Not forgetting the £6K we had to find. Bizarre to think we have 3 teeny babies sat there - gender already determined, that we may never need or have the opportunity to use. Kinda pickles the mind if you think too much on it. So I tend not to. It's all a bit much for me to cope with right now - so I tend to just pop it all in a box for another time.
Back to earth this week with a bump as chemo round 4 yesterday. Still - that's a third done. Baby steps and all that. Am drinking 2L of water a day as that is meant to help - I assume flushes all the crap out of my system from the kick-ass drugs and mullered evil cells (hopefully!). Still going with the FFH - it seems to be helping, although I am moulting a lot so who knows how much I will lose. I have added to my head scarf stash so am ready if baldiness comes my way - although I will be devastated.
Been a tough few days support-wise - or should I say, lack thereof. Been let down by people that are thinking of themselves and not me. I know it sounds a bit unreasonable of me to feel this way but some people in my life have an amazing capacity to make all my issues, all about them. Tremendous. Sod providing me any support if they can't cope with it. At least my amazing husband and friends are there for me. Horrible how true colours are revealed at times like this.
Anyway, I'm back now, new season of CSI Miami is back (slight closet crush on Horatio!), and have lots of dinners with friends lined up next week, for once I come through the chemo fog. More food. Joy!