Happy New Year

So a new year begins. Traditionally we all think about resolutions and what we hope to achieve over the next 12 months. We also reflect on the year gone by.

2011 - what a year. It started as a year that was filled with hope and positivity. Hell, we even dared to make more long term plans. We were going to start trying for a family in September - having been good and waited the 18 months since finishing chemo. Unfortunately the evilness decided to ruin another family member's party and my wonderful father-in-law got the dreaded diagnosis whilst I was in hospital in March. Before I had my results we decided that if they were "good" then sod waiting til September. However - the evilness had other ideas and I got the news I was most dreading - it was back. And this time the long term prognosis is crap. So the rest of the year was spent going to war once more. Once more trying to kick the evilness.

We had an amazing holiday half way through chemo which was just what our souls needed. Then came the news that my liver was now affected so chemo stopped. But then more tests suggest otherwise. It would appear at the moment I am in remission.

And that is how I start 2012. Remission. Not cured - I haven't beaten this disease. I think everyone thinks that I have and I sort of feel that I am letting them down as that isn't the case. There is a very high chance that the evilness is going to come back - it is really just a matter of when.

So what do I hope for in 2012? Not to lose weight, or give up some vice or other, or go the gym more. No, my hope for 2012 is to make it through the year - alive. To be able to welcome in 2013. I'm sure not something that most people are wishing for - they just take that for granted. Nothing in my life can be taken for granted anymore. I can't really make any plans as it seems that when I do they just get taken away from me. The only hope and dream I have now is to survive.

But what the evilness can't take away from me is the love and support of my family and friends. It is the strongest thing I have and for that I am truly thankful. Without them this year would have been so much more difficult. They give me a reason to go on with this fight. I hope to be able to spend more time with them this year.

So to you all, I thank you. Please stay with me on this journey and please leave comments so I know that you are there! I wish you all a happy and healthy 2012.

It just gets better

I'm still reeling from the somewhat shocking, but quite frankly, fucking fabulous news that at the moment I have kicked the evilness into touch. I have had a celebratory glass of fizzy pop which went straight to my head due to me not having drunk a drop since the evilness came back. Brilliant.

Anyway, on Thursday I got a text message from one of my bestest friends, who lives in New Zealand. She has unfortunately also been battling with the evilness for the last 4 years. She has had multiple surgeries and has just finished 6 months of chemo. Ironic that we were both enduring the kick-ass drugs on opposite sides of the world. But if looking for the silver lining, at least we could support each other, and our partners also had someone to compare notes with.

Anyway, I digress. Her text was to tell me the bloody brilliant news that her latest MRI scan was clear. She too has told the evilness to piss off. I am absolutely over the moon. It has been a dreadful year for us both and it is just wonderful that we have both gone into remission at the same time. We can see in 2012 in a much better way now and kiss 2011 goodbye.

Truly the best Christmas present ever. Love you and miss you loads S xxxx

Haagen-Dazs, Leicester Square - just like old times