So a new year begins. Traditionally we all think about resolutions and what we hope to achieve over the next 12 months. We also reflect on the year gone by.
2011 - what a year. It started as a year that was filled with hope and positivity. Hell, we even dared to make more long term plans. We were going to start trying for a family in September - having been good and waited the 18 months since finishing chemo. Unfortunately the evilness decided to ruin another family member's party and my wonderful father-in-law got the dreaded diagnosis whilst I was in hospital in March. Before I had my results we decided that if they were "good" then sod waiting til September. However - the evilness had other ideas and I got the news I was most dreading - it was back. And this time the long term prognosis is crap. So the rest of the year was spent going to war once more. Once more trying to kick the evilness.
We had an amazing holiday half way through chemo which was just what our souls needed. Then came the news that my liver was now affected so chemo stopped. But then more tests suggest otherwise. It would appear at the moment I am in remission.
And that is how I start 2012. Remission. Not cured - I haven't beaten this disease. I think everyone thinks that I have and I sort of feel that I am letting them down as that isn't the case. There is a very high chance that the evilness is going to come back - it is really just a matter of when.
So what do I hope for in 2012? Not to lose weight, or give up some vice or other, or go the gym more. No, my hope for 2012 is to make it through the year - alive. To be able to welcome in 2013. I'm sure not something that most people are wishing for - they just take that for granted. Nothing in my life can be taken for granted anymore. I can't really make any plans as it seems that when I do they just get taken away from me. The only hope and dream I have now is to survive.
But what the evilness can't take away from me is the love and support of my family and friends. It is the strongest thing I have and for that I am truly thankful. Without them this year would have been so much more difficult. They give me a reason to go on with this fight. I hope to be able to spend more time with them this year.